Welcome to Money As If, the free tequila shot you get at Dave & Buster’s after the bartender forgets they already poured your drink.

Today’s well:

— Jeanine

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Let’s start with the fun part, because I feel like a Debbie Downer lately, starting off these issues with “no,” all the time, so:

Yes! Some people — namely, big spenders or frequent travelers — can benefit handsomely from a pricey credit card, including the most expensive publicly available ones — namely, the recently revamped Chase Sapphire Reserve and Amex Platinum, which now cost $795 and $895 a year.

But, as someone who’s covered cards for close to 15 years, I can’t help but feel like …

For one, the price tags on these credit cards are, as you can see, approaching quadruple digits — or, put another way, almost enough to cover the average American’s gas-and-electric bills over the course of a year.

Second, their benefits are getting more complicated. Or, you know, scratch that, because the bigger drawback is that, IMHO, they’re designed to increasingly encourage cardholders to — like my old friend BNPL — spend, spend, spend.

Consider the Amex Platinum, which offers a $300 Lululemon credit, but only upon enrollment, for eligible purchases, and in $75 quarterly increments. It’s worth noting that the brand’s best-selling yoga pants typically retail for around $118 a pair.

Or the Chase Sapphire, which includes a $500 credit for hotel stays, but in $250 increments to be used in the first and second halves of a calendar year for prepaid bookings made through The Edit (the Reserve’s travel portal) with a two-night minimum stay.

I poked around and, sad to say, $250 was not enough to cover one night at any of The Edit’s featured properties, though maybe Reserve cardholders (of which I am not) can get find discounts when they log in.

Third, and I dunno, maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s just been a long few months of covering bad money news about revised job estimates, falling credit scores, sky-high electric bills, rising mortgage rates (despite the Fed’s recent cut), and left-and-right health insurance cancellations, but do near-$1,000 credit cards really need to be making their debut right now?

I mean, who are these cards even for? — which, I suppose, is my point because, of course, let’s be clear, these cards, really, are for rich people.

Amex would likely tell you as much. (It’s never made a secret of courting “luxury” shoppers.) Chase, maybe, too, (it did not respond to my request for comment), though it’s worth noting that when the Reserve first launched back in 2016, it was decidedly more average-consumer-friendly.

The card came with an eye-popping bonus offer worth up to $1,500 and a (now seemingly reasonable) $450 annual fee that you could come close to recouping just by redeeming its $300 travel statement credit. (Seriously, every (non-rich) personal finance reporter I knew was rushing to sign up for the Reserve back in the day.)

Now, I worry that people will become entranced by shiny, yet ultimately mismatched, bells and whistles. (I mean, $120 in Peloton credits dolled out in $10 increments over 12 months? Come on!)

There may have been a moment in time where fancy, pricey plastic was a no-brainer for any traveling transactor (someone who doesn’t carry a balance and gets out of town at least once or twice a year), but, those days, I fear, have perhaps come and gone.

Again, yes, these card can be a good fit for the right cardholder, so, if you’re trying to determine whether you should get one in these, our possible end times, might I suggest:

The Amex Platinum advertises $3,500 in annual benefits, while the Chase Reserve promises $2,700 a year. Assume you won’t get all of that money out of the deal, at least without spending on a few things that you might not otherwise. (Like, you know, a $349 Oura ring.)

Better to add up what you know you’ll use and stack that number against the annual fee to determine your likelihood of recouping it.

I say this for two reasons. First, most premium credit cards offer welcome bonuses — that is, a boatload of points, miles, or cash back for spending a certain amount in your first few months as a cardholder.

These offers seriously boost a card’s value in year one, but you won’t get them in year two, so, again, be sure you’ll recoup the associated annual fee without that bonus.

Second, as you may have noticed, we’re in a rocky economy right now, and it can’t hurt to consider your job stability before applying, given that the annual fee represents a significant financial commitment and you won’t enjoy, say, a $200 to $300 travel credit if you suddenly can’t afford to go anywhere.

(Yes, you can cancel the card. No, the choice isn’t always that simple.)

And some of them are quite lucrative. The Reserve’s little brother, for instance, the Chase Freedom Unlimited, nets you 1.5% cash back on all your purchases, bonus cash back on everyday expenses, like gas and groceries, 15-month 0% introductory APRs (in case you need time to pay off a high balance transfer or large purchase), and a decent welcome offer ($200 if you spend $500 on purchases in the first three months).

$795 a year, not required.

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Teddy and I hadn’t been out in a while — since Long Branch: The Return, I think — so we tried out the local Dave & Buster’s. It was … not cheap.

Granted, I’m not sure we D&B’ed correctly. It had a very loud, very confusing Eat & Play special that let you combine one entree from Menu A and one entree from Menu B with Power Cards of select dominations that I’m assuming nets you a discount, if you’re hitting up the arcade — and set aside some time to crunch the numbers.

And there are other deals to be had, if you time your visit, like Monday through Friday Happy Hours and $10 wings on game days.

Figured I’d share in case you have the urge to eat a burger, drink a beer, and, yes, have a tequila shot (or two), without spending all of that month’s discretionary income.

Nowadays, most financial takes are boilerplate. These aren't.

The sequel to last year’s most in-your-face movie musical doesn’t come out until Nov. 21, but there’s plenty of merch to bring no-place-like-home between now and then.

🧀 $12

for a dozen single-serve microwaveable cups of Wicked and Walmart Mystery Mac-and-Cheese, the mystery being that your sauce turns pink or green, natch.

🎀 $19.99

for one of Wet Brush’s three Wicked: The Return For Good detanglers; the new designs join three brushes launched alongside Wicked: The Original.

🎶 $50.99

for the Wicked: For Good soundtrack on vinyl, featuring special songs (No Place Like Home and The Girl in the Bubble) and special pictures.

📆 $113.29

for a Premium: Wicked Advent Calendar, which comes with 12 extra-special collectibles “to delight any adult fan”; available September 30.

👜 $786.99

for a Wicked-embroidered leather “Banff” bag from Canadian lifestyle brand Roots that, of course, blends Elphaba’s and Glinda’s aesthetics.

🧙🏾‍♀️ $4,645

for a 14K gold and diamond Elphaba multi-charm bracelet from Wicked and fine jewelry brand Sydney Evan; for diehard fans, I suppose.

And, finally, today, in things I would buy if I could, you know, just buy things …

This is a bit of a cheat, since I was just knocking Wicked and its co-branded mac-and-cheese, but, while I’m not quite feeling the $4,700 Elphaba charm bracelet, I could be persuaded (in another life) to spring for its matching $1,805 witch necklace.

I am obssessulated. Well, not really, but I kinda had to say that, no?

Got questions, comments, receipts, tips, thirst traps, etc. you’d like to share? Send them to [email protected].

_{This article is for educational purposes only. We don’t recommend or advise individuals to buy, not buy, sell, or not sell particular investments or other assets, as everyone’s circumstances are different. Also, it’s your money and ultimately up to you to decide the best use for it.}