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Welcome to Money As If, the one gas station that's offering cheap(ish) gas within reasonable driving distance of your house. Today's diesel:

  • How to save on gas (naturally)

  • Doing a financial nihilism!

  • A (fuel) economical thirst trap

— Jeanine

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IN THESE, OUR (POSSIBLE) END TIMES

How are we supposed to afford gas?

I had to do this, but I have to do it because gas is … not cheap and will probably get … more expensive, if the war with Iran doesn't end soon. Plus, even if and once it does, we'll probably have to wait quite some time for a full rebound.

Ouch.

I say "I hate to do it" because, IMHO, gas is one of those things that should be affordable or at least require much less micro-managing. But we spent $52.63 the last time we three-quarter-filled our Mazda CX-5 Turbo's tank (which takes Premium), so I know there's a need for some tips.

So, here are a few decent ways to pay less for petrol:

You can also apparently drive under 65 mph, shut off your A/C all the time (and close your windows), clean the junk outta your car (fine), or simply not go anywhere this Spring or Summer (😞), which all sounds at least a little silly or onerous, though seemingly legitimate, but I’ll leave that all up to you.

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RECEIPTS

I did some financial nihilism

I consider myself a cynic with a strong idealistic streak, which is a fancy way of saying I frequently expect "bad-case" scenarios but not necessarily "worst-case" ones … which is fancy way of saying that financial nihilism — the growing belief that a rigged economic system has rendered traditional money habits useless and not worth pursuing — isn't normally my bag.

And yet, a few weeks ago — actually, it was right after Teddy came home and announced gas was now gonna cost us $5 a gallon — I was so overcome by the idea that I would never, ever make or have enough money again that I did something I never, ever thought I would do:

I Kalshi-ed.

Kalshi, ICYMI, is a gigantic, insanely popular platform that lets people bet on everything and anything and I'd be lying if I said it didn't give me the "ick."

I try to avoid getting on a soapbox when it comes to how people use their money, because I have definitely done stupid things with mine, but there's something about betting on, say, whether a war will continue that I can't quite endorse.

I share that not to judge anyone who can; it's more so just to highlight how far this trip to the money pit of despair pushed me. I was basically doing something I swore to myself that I would never ever do, because I had, at least momentarily, become convinced it was the only way I would make any real money.

My little white money lies

I rationalized this about-face by telling myself that I was only betting on The Oscars, something people in offices have been betting on for at least 50 years. I also rationalized that I wasn't being completely negligent with my money, since The Oscars are something I have knowledge of.

Surely, Diane Warren, who has lost the Oscar for Best Original Song 16 times, could upset worldwide ear worm Golden from K-Pop Demon Hunters. Surely, Leonardo DiCaprio, who the Academy has a penchant for snubbing, could surprise us all this year by beating dueling frontrunners Michael B. Jordan and Timothée Chalamet. Surely, Delroy Lindo and Wunmi Mosaka could ride The Sinners wave over Sean Penn and Amy Madigan …

Surely, not

If you watched the 98th Academy Awards, then, surely, you know that all four dark horses I bet on ultimately lost.

Luckily, I was only (!) out $52.79 — $22.79, if you deduct the $30 sitting forgotten in my Venmo that I put toward these bad predictions (#JeanineMath). I was spared from larger losses, thanks to an innate risk aversion that I can't (thankfully) seem to shake and the fact that most of the "long shot" bets I was comfortable making weren't really long shots.

My original plan had been to bet on Chalamet besting Jordan — something else that, you know, didn't happen — but, because this was still a pretty popular assumption, I would have had to put hundreds on ole Timmy to make any money.

My big swing, Diane Warren, would have netted me $457, a not insignificant, but in no way, shape, or form life-altering amount of money. Alas, she's now a record-setting Oscar loser (Sorry, Diane; I was rooting for you) and I'm left sharing this reminder that 99.999% of the time, financial nihilism will get you nothing.

FRESH GREEN

Nowadays, most financial takes are boilerplate. These aren't.

  • What does the rise of chicken thighs (in popularity) say about America. Other than that, you know, most of can no longer afford groceries.

  • I've been putting off addressing perhaps the most obvious "end-of-the-world" personal finance question out there — is college even worth its high price? — because the most (seemingly) obvious answer — NO — feels … irresponsible. We're at inflection point where having a college degree doesn't help so much as not having one hurts you. Plus, I suspect most parents don't want to deny their 18-year-old a higher education or the thrilling, singular experience of almost-adulthood. Still, I wasn’t surprised to discovered that, per a recent recent survey from Northwestern Mutual, some parents are choosing to fund housing down payments over college funds — because, I mean, yeah, of course they are.

  • Also today in re-weighting our investment options: Buy Birkins, not stocks, since Hermès handbags outperformed the S&P last year. Never mind that this bags are famously hard to get your hands on.

THIRST TRAP

And, finally, today, in things I would buy if, you know, I could just buy things …

If I told you I liked these shoes …

Screenshot from Katespadeoutlet.com.

Would you hold that against me?

FWIW, I saw them months ago and they’re now unavailable at Kate Spade proper and sold out at the online Kate Spade outlet (original price $250, I think.) You can still get the Taxi Cab version, if you’re so inclined. (Can’t say yellow is my color.)

Got questions, comments, receipts, tips, thirst traps, etc. you’d like to share? Send them to [email protected].

This article is for educational purposes only. We don’t recommend or advise individuals to buy, not buy, sell, or not sell particular investments or other assets, as everyone’s circumstances are different. Also, it’s your money and ultimately up to you to decide the best use for it.

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