Welcome to Money As If, the personal finance equivalent of ironically (and only ironically) hydrating your face with a banana peel and iced Saratoga sparkling water.

Today’s morning routine:

• Meme coin viability in the wake of DOGE

• Inflation folk heroes

• Cuffing season

— Jeanine

P.S. Share your bespoke referral link below to earn some swag!

IN THESE, OUR (POSSIBLE) END TIMES

Should you ever buy meme coins?

I was over 99.99% sure the answer to this question was: No, of course, you should not buy meme coins unless you’re OK taking giant risks with your money or absolutely must own anything remotely affiliated with Shiba Inus (which, listen, if so, no judgment.)

But then the following things happened:

• A government initiative named after the first joke cryptocurrency started dominating the news cycle.

• The Trump administration announced a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve, U.S. Digital Asset Stockpile, and crypto czar.

• The current president and first lady launched meme coins of their own.

I owed it to myself (and anyone else wondering) to research whether having a federal government that is uber-friendly to the crypto industry has changed the calculus around even lesser-known digital currencies.

Never mind

Here’s where I netted out:

I came to this conclusion after consulting with experts who were, at very least, hyper-cautious about these purchases, and, at most, openly opposed to them

“Meme coins have no intrinsic value, and they are extremely volatile. Stay away from them,” Thomas J. Brock, Certified Financial Advisor (CFA) and Certified Public Accountant (CPA), says. “Financially, you stand a better chance to make money playing craps or roulette.”

Still, as you might recall, I'm pretty anti-risk when it comes to my money and you’ve likely stumbled across at least one purported success story or pro-meme-coin influencer. So, let's dive a bit deeper, shall we?

What are meme coins — and how???

Meme coins are cryptocurrencies inspired by viral ideas, characters, or trends.

“They tend to start as internet jokes or pop culture moments, not as technological solutions to real problems,” says Alan Orwick, co-founder of Quai Network, a decentralized, scalable blockchain network.

Dogecoin, the first and still most prominent meme coin, was created in 2013 as a spoof of Bitcoin. It just so happened to gain some value thanks to Reddit, the Jamaican bobsled team, and a bevy of celebrities, including Mark Cuban, Gene Simmons, Snoop Dogg, and, yes, Elon Musk.

Plenty of players have since tried emulating Dogecoin. Last year, BDC Consulting found over 2,000 meme coin projects, half of which were liquid (i.e., had a non-zero trading value).

But most, if not all, of these tokens are more akin to trading cards or novelty collections.

“Meme coins are more for fun than an investment,” says Scott Krase, the wealth manager at Connor & Gallagher OneSource.

And, though it's sometimes hard to tell, some position themselves this way. (The $TRUMP website, FWIW, has fine print that states its meme coins are "intended to function as an expression of support for, and engagement with, the ideals and beliefs embodied by the symbol "$TRUMP" and not as an investment opportunity.)

‘A very different game’

The thing is, "in crypto, value often follows attention," Orwick says. And you can speculate on anything — which is why, now and then, a meme coin comes along, garners some interest, and triggers a success story (or two), almost exclusively from early or in-the-know buyers.

“Most meme coins see a burst of hype followed by sharp declines,” says Kadan Stadelmann, a blockchain developer and chief technology officer at Komodo.

But short-term speculative plays are not the same as viable long-term investments.

“For something to be truly legitimate in the long run, it needs strong fundamentals: real utility, secure infrastructure, and sustainable economics,” Orwick explains. “Meme coins usually don’t check those boxes. That doesn’t mean you can’t make money on one — it just means you're playing a very different game than you would with traditional investments or foundational crypto projects.”

Internet-tested, government-approved?

That game hasn’t changed in the wake of recent government activity.

“The current administration's friendly stance towards cryptocurrency and high-profile endorsements can certainly influence the perception and popularity of meme coins,” says Jake Falcon, Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (CRPC) and CEO at Falcon Wealth Advisors.

But it doesn't lower the risk associated with meme coins. They are still highly speculative, extremely volatile, unregulated (re: lacking legal consumer protections), and highly susceptible to and broadly associated with rug pulls and pump-and-dump schemes.

Plus, “meme coins are not on the government’s top priorities,” Krase says.

The executive order that made news earlier this month was actually a bit of a "wah, wah" for the crypto community as it mainly involved Bitcoin and didn't entail buying assets. (The strategic reserve and stockpile will be made up of seized holdings.) And the cryptocurrencies Trump name-dropped after the fact, while a bit random, didn't have any dogs, cats, or internet characters affiliated with them.

That’s why anyone interested in meme coins is still advised to tread carefully.

“It's essential for investors to approach meme coins with caution and not allocate a significant portion of their portfolio to them,” Falcon says. “In fact, it should be very low, if at all.”

Vetting crypto opportunities

I should add that even “mainstream” cryptocurrencies are considered risky. (“In fact, the verdict is still out if Bitcoin or Ethereum should be considered actual investments,” Falcon says.)

A good rule of thumb that circulates among financial planning experts is that you should only put money you’re OK with losing into crypto. Still, there are ways to differentiate risky digital assets from the riskiest ones and outright scams, including:

• Transparency: “Legitimate projects often have clear, transparent goals, white papers, and development roadmaps,” Falcon says. “They also have identifiable team members with verifiable backgrounds.”

• Community engagement: Look for many active, engaged users over a sustained period. Be wary of a few anonymous accounts holding all the coin, promising guaranteed returns, or making other unrealistic promises.

• Market capitalization and liquidity: While not a fail-safe, high market caps ($1 billion or more) are considered less risky than lower market caps. Similarly, higher trading volumes are a better sign than low trading volumes.

• Track record: Avoid projects that can't pass an online search. Skip any coin whose name appears alongside "scam" or "pump-and-dump scheme." Also, look out for "poor scores on smart contract audit platforms," Stadelmann says. 

• Limited supply: Scarcity is generally considered a hedge against inflation and can help a cryptocurrency hold its value over time.

It also helps if the project has some utility. Bitcoin and Ethereum get name-checked because of their blockchain technology, allowing decentralized peer-to-peer payments and cutting out banks and government authorities.

“Real usage is a strong signal,” Orwick says. “In the end, crypto will always come with risk, but with the right questions, you can avoid the worst of the noise.”

RECEIPTS

State Charm

I formally heard back from State Farm regarding my big old car insurance bills a few days after last week’s issue hit inboxes.

Its press office had the Underwriting Department send me a letter that, among other things, teased another rate hike in May and introduced a few new culprits to the conversation: smart cars and distracted driving.

“Establishing auto insurance premiums are a great concern to State Farm,” its Underwriting Department wrote. “Rising repair costs and increased accidents due to distracted driving (texting while driving) are the reasons for rising car insurance premiums that are affecting the industry. Although cars are getting smarter and safer to drive, the technology is expensive to repair or replace.”

No comment on why other insurers were willing to offer more competitive rates, though. You can check out the full letter below if you are interested.

PRICE TAGS

Inflation folk heroes edition

Unlike meme coins (and their older, more handsome crypto brethren), the prices of these items have proven remarkably stable …

🌵 $99-cents 

today’s suggested retail price for a can of AriZona Iced Tea, which matches the suggested retail price of the sweet drink when it debuted in 1992.

 🚗 $1.29

for a Hot Wheels single-pack currently on sale at Target; the toy's price hasn't changed much since its debut at the 1968 New York Toy Fair. (Those models originally sold for 69 to 89 cents.)

🌭 $1.50

for Costco’s uber-popular hot-dog-and-soda combo meal, a loss leader that the nationwide bulk retailer has recently reaffirmed its commitment to.

🍗 $4.99

for a three-pound Wellsley Farms Hot Rotisserie Chicken from B.J.’s Wholesale Club; Costco and Sam’s Club have also sold rotisserie chickens for about $5 over the last decade or so.

🍱 $5

for select sushi rolls at participating Publix stores on Wednesdays. The chain has offered this promotion at the same price point since at least 2020.

📱$15 

the monthly price for a 12-month 5 GB prepaid phone plan from Mint Mobile; the wireless service, partially owned by actor Ryan Reynolds, hasn’t upped costs since launching in 2016.

FRESH GREEN

Nowadays, most financial takes are boilerplate. These aren't.

• I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely rocking Recession Hair right now.

• I suppose it was only a matter of time before someone floated the idea of foregoing home insurance, given its steadily rising price tag, though the pre-requisites (“no mortgage to pay, and you can afford to self-insure”) certainly only apply to a small audience.

• A very, very 2025 piece of service journalism: Learn how to delete your DNA data on the heels of genetic testing company 23andMe’s bankruptcy filing.

THIRST TRAP

And, finally, today, in things I would buy my husband if, you know, I could just buy my husband things …

Love lock

A $120,000 18K white-gold bangle with hand-set baguette and pavé diamonds from Tiffany & Co. For the man who has everything. Or nothing. Or, maybe, everything and nothing at the exact same time.

Got questions, comments, receipts, tips, thirst traps, etc. you’d like to share? Send them to [email protected].

_{This article is for educational purposes only. We don’t recommend or advise individuals to buy, not buy, sell, or not sell particular investments or other assets as everyone’s circumstances are different. Also, it’s your money and ultimately up to you to decide the best use for it.}